my heart's torn to pieces...

is this really goodbye? i know it's your own decisions and i have nothing to do with it...but i still can't process in my mind what you said...in behalf of all our friends...i'm saying sorry for not being honest enough to tell you what's in our heads...we just don't have the courage to tell you and it was so sudden and we weren't prepared for it...there's nothing wrong with me if you left us...but the fact that you have been ignoring us for a few days already, it doesn't seem right...i know we're all feeling awkward but i think there's something going on...and we don't really understand that "something". i'm sorry if i can't tell you these things in person...this is the only place where i can express my feelings towards the situation...if it's hard for you...it's also hard for us...it's so hard for me to face you and laugh with you when i know deep down, i'm not comfortable...we've been through a lot and i don't want those things to put into waste...like what you said...we're still friends and i hope you won't forget that...it seems that everything has changed and though we are on the same ground...it feels like we're living in different worlds...very different...to tell you...i'm so sad about it...no one would be happy if they were put into my shoes...whenever i remember it...i feel i wanna cry but i know that crying has nothing to do with it...i still can't understand everything...i still need to clear up my mind...

no matter what happens, i'm still here...